Something about this town, and in fact, all of Southern California, chafes against me a little bit. Like sitting in traffic, or listening to the freeway out your window when you want to sleep, or even sitting in the shade when its still too hot out. Irritating. The channel islands are not like this. Central California is not like this, but in SoCal the corporation (I believe) sticks its hand out and tries to pull your wallet out of your pocket.
Its very impersonal, and very hard to do much for free, and you have to drive everywhere.
I don't like driving anymore. I don't even like cars much. The rules, the traffic, the people in boxes where you can't wave to them and smile and even shout over the wind to see where they are from or going. Too many of them.
Consequently, I am getting lonely. I bet I'll cure that when I go out to the islands again, but in the city I am alone. Even among the vagabonds who anchor out in Santa Barbara, drinking and smoking pot (I am not, but they are) I am alone. I can't be a part of their crowd, and I'm not a part of the rich tourist crowd or of any crowd here.
I see people walking around hand in hand and kissing, and I am alone. It doesn't bother me too much, but I don't like feeling sorry for myself because I've chosen this life, and its awesome. But still, I am one of the grains who has fallen through the cracks of America.