Monday, December 27, 2010
I am going to leave Cabo San Lucas tomorrow and head Eastwards, across the mouth of the Sea of Cortez, and on into Mainland Mexico. Christmas was wonderful here, almost like having family here, but I must go onwards.
I'm not sure where I will be for New Years eve, and most likely I will be alone, since I haven't been meeting lots of people, or very easily. Land travelers, which are my age, do not come to sea easily, so there isn't a easy way to meet people.
And I am afraid. Especially after having so much of a connection with people here for so long (5 days), and I am reluctant to leave. But leave I must. The show must go on.
Anyways, I am afraid of being alone. It is a fear that I haven't felt in a while, since when you are alone, you don't feel afraid of it. Like being afraid of life. But taking the plunge into the cold waters of being by myself is difficult, especially if I am warm and dry in the sunshine of the company of the Serbian and Croatians here.
I am also afraid of being alone on New Years. I can't recall if I have ever had a New Years' Kiss. And stupid as I am, I want one. In High School, there was never a chance. In College, I think I had one once with Aleksandra, in 2002-2003 New Years, but I am not quite sure. I don't remember the kiss at any rate.
And since then, Every time that the clock ticks over, I am alone.
It is a moment just like any other, where the clock makes a small click and then the numbers change, but they should be just the same, except for some reason this is a special moment, and I want it to be right.
Tomorrow, when I sail out into the blue, I will feel right with the world again, but in the party town of Cabo San Lucas, where everyone is dancing and looking fabulous, but jealously stealing glances around to see who is looking at them and who is not, I am infected with the desire to HAVE someone. That unhealthy possession feeling.
More healthy is to want to share with people, but this town is so commercial, it makes me feel like I need ownership over things.
Anyways, I am going to Mazatlan, where I might find myself in a similar kind of town, but hopefully I will get to surf and have a nice time in the waves (since here there are none).
The trip will take a few days, so hopefully I'll get in in three days. I'll be sailing through a night alone, and I'm a little nervous about that, but I think I should be fine. I actually like sailing at night, and the only thing is taking short naps through the night and the day, to keep myself alert.
I will try to post something after I get to shore there, to make sure everyone knows I am all right, but don't start to worry until after New Years, because things take time.
Oh, if you are really worried, you can look at the weather on this website.
Posted by cdlloyd